Sometimes, you’re just trying to read the Bible, and a bunch of fictional Pharisees demand you turn it into a script. This is the second one I’ve written, though it comes chronologically before the first one. Sorry about that. I didn’t realize this would be a series at the time. Because that would take, you know, organization and such.
Peter, John, and Matthew: Disciples
Levi, Simon, Micah, and Nicodemus: Pharisees
Man with Withered Hand
(Jesus and his disciples walk across the stage. Peter and a few others are picking bits of grain and eating them.)
Peter: So Jesus says, “You are the salt of the earth.” And I say, “What, Lot’s wife wasn’t enough?” Get it? (He is the only one laughing.)
John: I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Are we almost to the synagogue, Jesus?
Peter: Good, because I’m starving. Nothing around here to eat but this grain. Not that I’m blaming anyone…John.
John: What, so I forgot lunch this one time. It won’t happen again.
Matthew: Don’t look now, but I believe someone’s following us.
Peter: Leave it to the tax collector to be checking over his shoulder.
Matthew (Sighing delicately): Aren’t those jokes ever going to get old?
Peter: Probably not, no.
Jesus: They don’t happen to be those Pharisees we saw in Capernaum yesterday, do they?
John (Glancing back): Yep. Good guess. You’d think you were omniscient or something.
Jesus: I don’t think I’d need omniscience for that one, John. (He keeps walking.)
John: So…shouldn’t we talk to them? See what they’re up to?
Peter: Yeah, maybe they have some real food. (Burps, then turns.) Hey! We know you’re there! Come on out, already!
(Levi, Micah, and Simon stride forward, Nicodemus follows a bit sheepishly.)
Levi: Look here, Jesus! Why are your disciples working on the Sabbath?
Peter: Wait a minute…we’re walking beside a grain field. You’re walking beside a grain field. If we’re working, aren’t you working too?
Matthew: Perhaps telling bad jokes classifies as work under the Torah.
Peter: Real funny, tax man.
Simon: No, no, no. You plucked that wheat and shook off the grain. Harvesting. Threshing. It’s all perfectly clear. You might as well be dragging a team of donkeys with a plow.
Peter: Yeah, I think there are some donkeys around here somewhere… (Other disciples snicker, Levi sighs heavily and ignores them.)
Levi: Well? What have you to say about this, teacher?
Jesus: Have you not read what David did when he was in danger and hungry? He and his men went into the temple in the days of Abiathar the high priest and ate the bread of the Presence that only the priests are allowed to eat.
Simon: Oooookay. So…what does that have to do with this?
Jesus: David broke the ceremonial law…and God let him. The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. And the Son of Man is lord even of the Sabbath. (more…)